Gods of Egypt: Better on TV

So this odd film is finally on DVD and Blue ray which is probably a much better place for it. It’s not that it’s a bad film, in fact it would be a great Sci-Fi channel original film…but for some reason they decided to put in on the big screen and splurge by having three actors who have no business being in this film poorly written.

goe4So to quickly sum up, this film take place in Ancient Egypt of myth (flat earth, Ra on a ship sailing the sun and fighting the worm like Aphophsis, all that wacky stuff). The god Osiris is about to turn his kingdom over to this son Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, aka Jamie Lanister) when his evil brother Set (Gerard Butler) decides to stage a coup, kill Osiris and blind Horus. From there it’s up to a simple human thief to retrieve Horus’ eyes so the god can then stop Set from destroying the world and underworld. Throw in Ra (Geoffry Rush), Set’s toady architect (Rufus Sewell), Thoth (Chadwick Boseman, aka Black Panther) for fun and you’ll leave thinking…okay this kind of understood Egyptian mythology (at least better than Stargate ever did) but what in the script did they have to attract all these decent actors.

goe3

These are special effects so bad they should have never left basic cable.  Again why was this turned into a feature film?

And how in the hell did the director of Dark City get attached to this?

In the end this is a fun movie. A fun movie with huge gaping holes in the plot, cuts that were clearly where commercial breaks should go, and CGI that is sadly far below par in this day and age. I would bet money that this was originally meant to be a 2 part cable TV miniseries. That would have put an actual run time of an hour longer (which accounts for the jumps in the plot) and the low quality CGI.
Quite frankly this would have been one of the best Sci-Fi Channel miniseries ever, only

GOE1

That’s the other thing about this film, there is just a bizarre amount of sweeping necklines to be found. 

coming behind Tin Man and Dune. I have no idea why some idiot executive said, “No let’s butcher the script and make this a feature film” or if this was never intended to be a TV miniseries, why on Earth did no one see that this would have made a great one.

Also the movie itself suggests that there is a sequel story coming…but with that abysmal box office the hell if we’ll see that…whereas if it had been a TV miniseries the sequel would have been greenlit in a second. All this movie is, is a clear sign that once again a good portion of Hollywood has no idea what they’re doing.

I’d like to discussion something deeper about this film, but aside from the fact that it actually seemed to grasp how bizarre Egyptian Mythology actually is, there is not much here of depth.

And again how did the director of one of the most thought provoking films of all time get attached to this stupid film?

Final Grade C-, but if it were a TV miniseries it would have been an A-.

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