The next debate for the GOP candidates is just around the corner, so let’s take a look at all the GOP contenders with all the seriousness they deserve…by pointing out that they’re pretty much as serious as a bunch of characters from a Monty Python sketch. Specifically Holy Grail, most of the idiots on either the big boy stage or the also ran stage are little more cheap extras to a mindless piece of absurdism.
Don’t believe me? Think about it.
Trump has no plans, no support from anyone in any position of authority, no intelligence, and his personal fortune isn’t enough to run a campaign in this day and age. A day doesn’t go by that he is not shown to be a worthless liberal, a racist piece of shit, and a misogynist that deserves to be kicked in the balls with a sledge hammer. And every day no matter how inept he shows himself to be, or how clear it is that he doesn’t deserve oxygen let alone a national podium he declares he’s the winner. All this despite being a loser who can’t make a casino run on government subsidies and cronyism make a profit. And this will continue. He will actually start losing in the polls and he will lose the nomination and he will come up with this or that excuse why he just choose not to win. He’s the Black Knight. You could cut all of Trump’s limbs off and he would still say he’s the most physically fit candidate (I am not opposed to actually trying this out…it would be an actual valuable use of federal science research dollars).
Or Rand Paul…with his whining about some ideal Utopian vision of government without any sense of reality or pragmatics (like a tax plan that will bring is massively lower amounts of revenue thus driving us further into debt..I mean if there was a corresponding plan to cut government spending at least it would show he sorta thought it through, but let’s be honest here Rand doesn’t want to cut fat…given his choice he’d cut muscle, bone, and possibly vital organs) and going on and on about the nature of his ideal government, he’s Dennis the ugly peasant who wanted to talk about anarcho-syndicalist communes and how they didn’t vote for a king. It doesn’t take to much to see Rand going off, half cocked, screaming “come and see the violence inherent in the system” when talking about the NSA. Bloody peasant.
Then of course, just so we don’t leave the Democrats out you have Hillary, Sanders, and Biden. If ever there was a real life version of Holy Grail’s three headed monster, this would be it.
Okay, so we’ve now covered the candidates who all have track records of being racists let’s move on to just the ones who are kind of a joke.
Jeb Bush is clearly like Arthur from Holy Grail. King Arthur from legend is a great leader, from Holy Grail he’s an arrogant buffoon who doesn’t realize how much he or his companions are idiots, and who thinks strange women distributing swords is the basis for a system of government…Jeb is an arrogant buffoon who doesn’t realize how much he or his companions are idiots, and who thinks because other members of his family were terrible presidents he should get his shot to shit on capitalism and the liberty as well. I think I’ll takes whomever watery tarts decided to throw swords at rather than another Bush.
In the film Arthur’s trusted squire was Pansy the only person who seemed to have even a lick of sense (beside “Sir not appearing in this film” who had the good sense to not appear in this film) in understanding sometimes that things are just models. Bobby Jindal also has moments of lucidity, but he’s also a pansy for giving into popular opinion even on things he knows are right.
Sir Bedivere the idiot who thinks he’s a genius and that witches weigh the same as a duck, is a lot like Dr. Ben Carson. A religious loon (who thinks tithing should be the basis for taxation) who doesn’t actually know the first damn thing about government, economics, or foreign policy. Yeah Carson’s plans are about as well thought out as the Trojan Bunny.
Then of course we have to look for the comparison to Lancelot, who in the is an idiot who will charge at any situation without even thinking, not caring to distinguish between friend or foe, and murdering everyone he can in the process just so he can accomplish his goal, even though he really doesn’t understand what that goal is. Clearly this kind of mindless attack everything and have no plan attitude is seen in Canadian Senator Ted Cruz.
And since we mentioned Sir Lancelot, I’m just going to say that Ricky Santorum reminds me of the reluctant groom.
Kasich and Pataki may occasionally bring up a decent point here or there (like where did you get those coconuts) but they drive even valid ideas into the ground by not understanding larger pictures (like arguments over African or European swallows).
Carly Fiorina seems to have one talking point and that’s attack Hillary’s so she always reminds me of the peasant who told Dennis “there’s some lovely filth over here.”
Brave Sir Robin talks a big game on defeating evil and then never delivers, just like Lindsey Graham.
Rick Perry, like the old man, is killed when you try to ask him questions involving the number 3.
Chris Christie is rude, abrasive, annoying and comes from a vile land the world would be better if it didn’t exist…in other words he’s basically the rude Frenchman.
You thought Scott Walker would be really important but then he turned out to be kind of useless…much like Tim the Enchanter.
Huckabee keeps repeating Bible verses with a blind devotion, just change the word God to Ni
and you probably wouldn’t be able to tell he wasn’t one of the “Knights Who Say Ni”
The baby faced Rubio is not appearing in this critique of the candidates just as the baby faced Sir Not Appearing In This Film didn’t appear in that farce.
And while not a candidate, Megan Kelly may look calm and harmless but she will rip your throat out if you push her…she is the rabbit.
And finally even though Gilmore never stood a snowball’s chance and quite possibly shuffled off this mortal coil…he is still protesting: