There’s an article circulating about the top 5 reasons marriage is destined to fail for newer generations. I have read it twice and I categorically disagree with almost everything the author says. It is important to know that the author is known for giving relationship advice and is recently divorced.
I offer a rebuttal to his rather pessimistic view on social media and it’s impact on marriage.
His top reason for marriages failing is that sex is virtually non-existent. What??? No, if sex is missing from your marriage, that isn’t normal or ok. Seek counseling STAT.
Frankly the sex will eventually fall to the wayside, so make sure your partner stimulates your body AND you mind. Nothing is better than good conversation. Develop your communication skills now.
The next marriage killer discussed is finances. Yep, money can build or destroy a marriage, but it need not be the foundation breaker many make it out to be. You will overdraw your bank account at some point. A mismanaged account is awful and a hard thing to come back from.
However, making a budget isn’t difficult. Also, errors with money need to be forgiven. Yes, it can be devastating, but money is the most replaceable item in the world. So breathe and know all will be well eventually. And it will be well faster if you work as a team, rather than playing the blame game. Trust me, whomever did the thing that caused a financial problem IS beating themselves up enough for the both of you.
Wow, already to the third marriage killer…the social media connected/disconnected mumbo jumbo. Here’s the deal, texting is easier in a lot of instances. It allows each party to respond as they can. Used properly, texting can be fun, exciting and a little risqué!
For instance: You and your spouse are stuck at a party neither of you wants to be at, but need to be for work or family or some other reason. Your phone buzzes. You look down, and your spouse has sent you a love note. It can be funny, caring, loving or even sexy!!! But it connects you two in the sea of the boring party without anyone else knowing!
And while my husband and I COULD read about what each other is doing via facebook or Twitter, we don’t. Instead we talk to each other about our respective days and spend facebook/Twitter time with our friends far away.
So you see, new media need not be an impediment. It is what you make of it!
The number 4 marriage killer is wanting attention not desire. Ummm what??? I am on social media a lot, and so is my husband. I promise you, it is not for attention and the desire between him and I is quite strong, even after nearly 2 decades together. Narcissism is a very real thing, but I hardly think it is so rampant that it deserves to be in the top five marriage killers.
And the final marriage killer is…apparently inviting millions of people into your bedroom. Please. I am quite adept at several social media platforms and I can assure you that, although there are sexual discussions amongst users, rarely is there a public conversation about a specific problem or event for one couple.
If you are putting the nitty gritty details of your sex life out for everyone to see, you have an exhibitionist problem. Bedroom doors close for a reason. No one WANTS to know what you and your spouse do behind them!
While I can see how social media can be like having a third person in a marriage, I still believe it is all in HOW you use it. I could lose myself completely in facebook, post all the intimate details of my marriage and only communicate with my husband via that platform and others, and not face to face, But. I. Don’t!
It’s about moderation, control and building memories with your spouse in whatever ways work for you two. There is only one thing that is common with all marriages…all relationships actually…and that’s communicating with your spouse. And that communication can come in many MANY forms.