Students at the Cottonwood Classical Prepatory School in Albuquerque have apparently decided to make their theme for prom this year “Communism”.
In light of that I have decided to offer my services as a consultant so that they can get their theme as true to life as possible.
Here’s my top 5 elements that this school’s prom committee needs to really bring Communism to life for their fellow students.
5. Prom Committee:
If there’s some debate over who should be in charge of the prom committee or one of the members is speaking out against your prom planning ideas, don’t be afraid to really get into the Communist theme early by having them kidnapped or executed* before they can ruin your plans for school domination.
Obviously the first step is to have a multitude of KGB roaming the venue and even checking in on the after parties. What do you mean it’s your hotel room so they can’t come in? Of course they can, they’re the KGB. You don’t have a right to privacy. Thinking about getting lucky after Prom? Well only if you don’t mind an audience.
Be prepared for long lines for the punch and for the snacks. Also be prepared for rationing, get there early or you might reach the head of the line only to be told to come back next week, because they’re all out.
2. Dress Code:
Keep in mind that only Communist Party approved dress styles will be allowed. Also if you have a larger dress budget than someone else, be prepared to share the wealth. Janice can’t show up in a $400 dollar dress if Suzy from her Home-ec class only has the money for a $20 discount bin buy.
Except for the Prom Committe themselves, they need to look fabulous. Don’t be afraid to confiscate funds from other attendees to make sure you have a budget worthy of your prom committe title.
If your venue is too small to support your full senior class, don’t worry! You can always throw the undesirables into prison so you don’t have to worry about them causing a scene.
Alternately, if you know of another smaller high school throwing a prom nearby, you can always invade their prom, imprison their prom committee, and take over the venue so you have more room.
Also, just in case there is a prom going on nearby that you think might draw away your prom attendees because of their lack of secret police and large food selection, make sure you make it impossible for your senior class to leave the party early by building a wall. Don’t skimp on the barbed wire and snipers! Remember your prom is so amazing that you need fear of death to ensure attendence!
And there you have it, follow these 5 simple steps and your whole school will have a dream (or would that be nightmare?) worthy of the Communism theme for this year’s prom!
*The author of this article does not actually advocate executing or kidnapping your fellow students. Satire.