The Hobbit (with very little Hobbit): The battle of the five (maybe 4, maybe 7) armies

Hobbit

It’s the defining chapter if by “defining” we mean “pointless”

Have you ever read 10 pages of a children’s novel and decided to turn that into nearly a 3 hour waste of time showing more decapitations than it needed…yeah that’s the last part of this Hobbit waste.

I don’t want to give spoilers but you remember how Bilbo, Legolas, Gandalf, Galadriel, Sauumon, Elrond were in The Fellowship of the Ring…yeah, you figure out who lives.

The movie is a ten minute battle with a dragon, a forty-five minute preparation for battle, some random moments of Thorin dealing with his psych issues, the ever bizarre elf-dwarf love story and then an hour and a half pointless battle scene. A note on the elf-dwarf love story, they’ve known each other for maybe a total of twelve hours and they’re deeply in love…keep in mind this is the same actress who took five damn years to make up her mind about who she loved on Lost—only this ends without being half as satisfying as that story. Oh, the sandworms from Dune make an unexpected cameo. It’s very reminiscent of the last Matrix movie in terms of being a pointless overly long battle movie…only with less Hugo Weaving.

kilitauriel

I really never got this…did anyone else feel this was too forced?

And despite being called “The Hobbit” Bilbo is hardly in this.

And the only reason the dragon didn’t die in the last movie was because if the dragon died last time there would be no reason whatsoever to come see this waste of a film.

On the bright side of things this only has about half the endings the Return of the King did…still too many but…

In short if you thought the previous installments in this trilogy were overly long and bloated, they were nothing compared to this. You can probably save your money.  I give it a 2 out of 5.

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Categorised in: Entertainment, Movies

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