Open Letter to Jesse “The Asshat” Ventura

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Dear Jesse Ventura,

Back when you were campaigning for governor, I championed you. You were the only candidate who wasn’t trying to be a career politician. You spoke plainly and clearly. Every word that came out of your mouth, even the more colorful ones, were said with honesty and integrity.

That rough around the edges quality made you stand out and made people take notice. When you actually won, I had some misgivings, but you proved to be more than capable of handling the job. True, giving interviews to Playboy and describing the streets of St. Paul as having been laid out by drunk Irish men may not have been on the classier side, but I was willing to overlook that because you kept the State Legislature in line.

You even shut down the government and went so far as to padlock the Capitol building because no one was doing their job and you refused to spend extra money on a special session. Thanks for that!

I was impressed that you stuck to only being a one term Governor. Most people realize all the power and benefits that come along with the job and are reluctant to give it up. Not you though!

If only you could have stayed as sane and cordial as you were then. Maybe this whole Chris Kyle situation could have been avoided.

From what I understand, you ran your mouth saying that it was just hunky dory if a few SEALs died. You said this in front of several SEALs including Kyle. Subsequently, you got your ass handed to you by him. Rightly so, in my book.

Now, it all could have ended there, but you made a big stink about it. Kyle had put it in his book…but apparently did not name you directly. You called on the WHAAAAAAA-bulance and sued for defamation of character.

You. The man who thinks being asked to show proof of residency is unconstitutional.

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You who hosts dumb shows called “Conspiracy Theory” and “Off the Grid”. You who actually believes 9/11 was an inside job.

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Yes you sued for defamation of character, because you claim the incident never happened.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, upon the senseless murder of Kyle, you chose to transfer the suit to his widow. His WIDOW!!!!! You could have dropped it. You could have said something as stupid as “Well another SEAL dead. I guess I can live with that judgement.”, but you went full retard. Don’t you know you never go full retard? Watch “Tropic Thunder”. It gets explained there.

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Sadly, the justice system allowed you to continue this charade. Even more sadly, a jury awarded you money. But that wasn’t enough for you was it? Nope.

You got on camera and complained…COMPLAINED…about the cost of your lawyers. Well, perhaps you haven’t figured this out yet, but you wouldn’t have enormous lawyers fees if you had just DROPPED THE CASE!!!!!!!!

Your pride was hurt because the big bad wrestler got beat up by an actual American hero. Oh boo hoo for you! Now that this case is done, I hope you get even more offended by the onslaught of ridicule you are already, and will continue, receiving.

Crawl back into your cave, draw up more theories about how the government is out to get all of us, and cry over your pitiful $1.8M judgement. You make me sick. For the record, today’s Jesse Ventura would have NEVER earned my vote let alone the office of Governor. Seek help. Seek it now, before you insult and ruin anyone else’s life.

Sincerely,

Every Rational Person Who Has Ever, And Will Ever, Live

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Categorised in: America, Entertainment, Media, pop culture

2 Responses »

  1. He didn’t make those comments, and wasn’t there. He was awarded 1.8 million dollars in a defamation suite on Kris Kyle’s wife.

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