The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug and my Evening

Smaug

 

I just watched something that was 30 minutes Tolkien and 2 hours 10 minutes Peter Jackson Fanboy Fan Fic. Did this really need to be 3 movies?  Really did this need to be 3 movies of this?

 

Super High Definition film causing nausea (although much of the running, swimming, riding around would make for a good amusement park).  Everyone looking like they’ve been run through a computer to look pretty.  Bad CGI that makes you scratch your head, because these are the same people who made the Lord of the Rings look flaws a decade ago.

 

Okay, it was fun.   It was mindless and stupid fun.  But the inherent problem is that The Hobbit will always be compared to the Lord of Rings and even that’s an unfair comparison.  Because while even the book about Bilbo was mindless fun compared to the epic of Frodo and Aragorn…but making what should be one (two movies at most, AT MOST) a three movie epic then you are not only running the problem of having it compared to the Lord of Rings, you are demanding that such a comparison be made.  In which case: The Hobbit is not the Lord of the Rings, not by a long shot.

 

movies-the-hobbit-desolation-of-smaug-dwarvesI dare you to give me a personality trait for all 13…

Not only do I still have no grasp on the who all the dwarves are but we decided to add even more characters (who were never in the book to begin with) so Jackson can get some Elf/Dwarf love subplot stuck in for reasons I’m not entirely sure of.  And we still have all the villains from the first movie left alive…but we have a few others to worry about as well.  This does not bode well as it pretty much means part III is just going to be a three hour battle scene that will make you yearn for the tight editing of the Battle of Zion in The Matrix.

 

And apparently, for some reason, Elves are the Isolationist libertarians of Middle Earth. No really.  Having been given evidence that the forces of evil are moving, the elves have the attitude of “well we’ll deal with them if they cross into our borders but we won’t go deal with the source of the problem.  If we just keep dealing with them in our borders they’ll go bother someone else and we’ll be fine.”  But that is out done by when the elf king is given news the Sauron (you know the villain of the Lord of the Rings) is back and ready to once again conquer all of existence, the elf king’s response is “close the gate.”  Because that will solve the problem.  Felt like I was watching a Ron Paul and Pat Buchanan rally.  Hey evil incarnate is coming with the desire to destroy EVERYTHING! Oh just close the door and it won’t bother us.

 

And I’m just not sure why they shelled out the money for Benedict Cumberbatch.   He’s a good actor, but as I never see him and can barely detect his voice under the layers of computers enhancement, it seems a waste.  Cumberbatch just seems destined to ruin every good villain in the way Chris Pine seems to be out to destroy all my favorite heroes.

It’s enjoyable but in the end it’s derivative, repetitious and just skating on the greatness of the Lord of the Rings rather than being great in its own right.

 

I give it a C+.

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Categorised in: Entertainment, Movies

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