Michelle Obama Isn’t Actually a Gardener: Would Not Survive Long in Post-Apocalyptic World

She’s not on my team for the inevitable post-apocalyptic world that we will need to survive after the debt ceiling is hit.

You have to have some actual skills in survival to merit an invitation to that.

Like our websites Executive Director of Operations, she’s on my team because she’s got a magnificent green thumb.

Michelle Obama, however, can’t even manage her own garden (probably her only accomplishment in the White House) without a fleet of “non-essential” personnel which can’t do any work during the government shutdown.

In the eleven days since the shutdown began on Oct. 1, the pounds and pounds of ripe organic bounty have gone to waste.  The vegetables filling the 1,500 square-foot plot are now rotting away on the vines and in the boxed beds, thanks to the mandate for “minimal maintenance” placed on the skeletal crew of National Park Service gardeners who remain on duty at 1600 Penn.

The gardeners are not allowed to harvest the crops, a White House source told Obama Foodorama.  Weeds are springing up everywhere, and the vegetables that have already fallen off the vines are now mouldering on the ground.

There are also mushrooms popping up inside and outside the garden beds, and leaf litter raining from the trees like confetti.  The wildlife that lives on the historic 18-acre campus–including a newly arrived fox now making a home at the White House–are having a field day.

It’s a big change for the iconic symbol for Mrs. Obama’s Let’s Move! campaign, which she lovingly memorialized in her book American Grown.  The First Lady has been credited with a national spike in home and school gardening, but her Kitchen Garden is to a backyard plot as a Bentley is to a VW Bug.  It is usually curated with obsessive precision, a masterpiece of living installation art.

Obama Foodorama

I hate to break it to you Michelle, but normal people have to weed their own gardens. Roll up your sleeves, get your daughters outside, and “let’s move” to get those fruits and veggies harvested. I thought you were all about exercise and fresh air and getting kids outside and away from computer games and other lazy pursuits.

Maybe you should invite all kids to help take care of the garden, the way you did in the photo ops when you first started the damn thing. Maybe let them take the White House tour that you are denying to everyone, even though it doesn’t cost you anything.

No wait, that’s cancelled too.

Since starting her garden in 2009, each October* Mrs. Obama has invited school children to join her for an autumn harvest party.  But those plans are on hold for the remainder of the shutdown, cancelled like the rest of the First Lady’s public events.

Until the Congressional showdown ends, there will be no happy little helpers joining Mrs. Obama to pluck the artichoke, okra, sweet potatoes, lettuces, squash, tomatoes, peppers, kale, carrots, rhutabaga, garlic, cabbage, exotic herbs, Swiss chard, collard and mustard greens, spinach, garlic, turnips, jalapeno and chili peppers that are now growing amok.

Also now cancelled are the weekly Kitchen Garden weeding sessions held each Tuesday morning, led by Executive Pastry Chef Bill Yosses.  He’s also on furlough, as are many of the volunteers who help weed, selected from among the ranks of White House staff and other government agencies.  Yosses and his crew did not show up this past Tuesday for their work session, Day 8 of the shutdown.

Obama Foodorama

To add insult to injury, while some of the harvested vegetables are used in the White House kitchen, most of them get donated to local soup kitchens according to Yahoo News Canada.

How petty can you get?

Probably a lot more actually.

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Categorised in: America, Conservative, Obama, Politics

1 Response »

  1. I find this story so funny because they honestly thought sad descriptions of neglected vegetables and munching squirrels would garner an out cry of STOP THIS TRAVESTY AND END THE SHUT DOWN!!!
    The only thing funnier might have been had they personally gone out picked the vegetables and then hand delivered them to the starving furloughed non essential government employed tweeter for FLOTUS's twitter.

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